Chamber Corner: September 26, 2011

Divorce Letter… and MAHS Homecoming! Good Luck Lakers!

By Scott Formo

It’s time to add a little humor to the Chamber Corner again, so here’s a divorce letter (modified for the column) that I found on one of my friend’s status updates on Facebook:

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and have nothing to show for it. The last 2 weeks have been he**. Last week, you came home & didn’t notice my new haircut, new silk boxers, or that I had cooked your favorite meal. You ate in 2 minutes, watched all of your soaps, and then went straight to sleep. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; we don’t do anything that connects us as husband and wife; and your boss told me that you quit your job today. That was the last straw! You must not love me or want to try anymore, so I’m gone! Your EX-Husband ~ P.S. Don’t try to find me, your SISTER & I are moving away together! Have a great life!

Dear EX-Husband, I received your letter. It’s true; you and I have been married for 7 years. I watch soaps to drown out your whining and griping, even though it didn’t work. I DID notice your hair cut. The first thing that came to mind was, ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me say nothing if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. I noticed your new boxers, but turned away because the $49.99 price tag was still on them and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and wanted to work it out. That day, I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, quit my job, bought us two tickets to Jamaica, and rushed home to share the good news. That’s when I found your letter. I guess everything happens for a reason. Your Rich and Better-off EX-Wife ~ P.S. My lawyer said that the letter you left ensures you won’t get a dime from my lotto winnings! By the way, I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem for you!

This reminds me that things are not always what they seem and there’s usually information missing. Moral of the story is, if you don’t know the entire story, it’s in your best interest to avoid saying anything to anybody because you may not know the “Rest of the Story!”

It’s Homecoming Week, which brings with it a number of exciting activities. Whether it’s related to the Homecoming Royalty, the daily school activities and themes, the Pre-game Pepfest, the Minnewaska Tailgate Party, Homecoming Football game against Montevideo, Homecoming Parade during halftime at the game, or the Homecoming Dance ~ it proves to be an exciting week for students, parents, and Laker Fans alike! I encourage everyone to take part in the festivities this week! GO LAKERS!